It seems there was this scientist who spent years perfecting his own
version of the cling technique. Finally he was ready to test his theories,
and decided to clone himself. He did so with amazing results, making a
PERFECT copy of himself, or so it seemed.....
This same guy tried again; he cloned himself and the clone did nothing
but cry. All day and all night, it just cried. So he put the clone away,
and tried again. This time, it just laughed. The clone would chuckle,
giggle, howl, just laugh uproariously all the time. This too was a
failure, so the poor man tried ONE LAST TIME. The clone, when it came out,
appeared flawless. But the first thing that happened when it was awakened
was, it SCREAMED! Then it screamed again, and again. It seemed as if it
would never stop.
"At last!" cried the scientist. "I have finally developed the
perfect.... I SCREAM CLONE!!
Ouch! That one was bad.
Dr. M'Benga was experimenting with cloning alien species. His first
experiment was a disaster; the result was ugly and obscene. He decided to
get rid of it by jettisoning it out of the hatch. Unfortunately, Captain
Kirk saw him do it, and now M'Benga is facing a charge of making an
obscene clone fall.
A Cloning Poem
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly grey,
It didn't have a father, just some borrowed DNA.
It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan,
It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone.
And soon it had a fellow clone, and soon it had some more,
They followed her to school one day, all cramming through the door.
It made the children laugh and sing, the teachers found it droll,
There were too many lamby clones, for Mary to control.
No other could control the sheep, since their programs didn't vary,
So the scientists resolved it all, by simply cloning Mary.
But now they feel quite sheepish, those scientists unwary,
One problem solved, but what to do, with Mary, Mary, Mary!
Bad Taste Cloning Jokes, I don't think they're
really from the Washington Post, but that's what the source
claims.
Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers
were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by
President Clinton's special commission to study the moral and
practical effects of cloning:
Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree
about something?
Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?
If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show,
wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all look
forward to?
If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?
If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby O.J.
Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?
If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us
find out?
If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait,
Henry IV part II?
If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play
with himself as a child?
Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and
"irregulars"?
Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?
Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two
together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads,
but that would still be way more normal.
Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?
Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers,
create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park
called Clonial Williamsburg?
Another Cloning Joke
Okay, here's the first version of a very common
cloning joke
A scientist was successful in cloning himself.
He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The
meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone
sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending
a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word,
the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "he's an ASSHOLE!". The crowd
began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "sit down and
shut-up!". Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My
fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this
dumb ASS couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent
SON-OF-A-BITCH!".
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out
of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New
York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.
The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest
you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What
fell from the window was a clone, not a person.". The attending scientists
nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we can not let
this heinous act go unchallenged.".
The police chief thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for
"Making an obscene clone fall..."
The Star Trek version of the "Obsene Clone
Fall"